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Thread: Funnies

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Blouberg
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    1,745

    Default Funnies

    Why men have better friends

    Friendship Between Women:

    A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband

    that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his

    wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.



    Friendship Between Men:

    A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that

    he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's

    10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Cape Town
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    Default

    A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the
    breeding bull exhibit.


    They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that
    said,



    This bull mated 50 times last year."
    The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, See ...
    He
    mated 50 times last year ... once-a-week."


    They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
    The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."



    They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
    capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."



    The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,
    said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this
    one."
    The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
    with
    the same cow."



    NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to
    stable
    and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations
    he will be ok
    The closer one gets to realizing his destiny, the more that destiny becomes his true reason for being! Paulo Coelho

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Vanderbijlpark
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Umhlangarox View Post
    The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
    with
    the same cow."
    NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to
    stable
    and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations
    he will be ok
    Hell he was lucky to still be alive That's why they invented smuggler rods for us with SWAMBO's
    It's not in the catching, it's in the learning something new.
    view albums at. http://www.flytalk.co.za/forum/album.php?u=659

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Somerset West
    Posts
    993

    Default

    This thread will be one of the most popular ones on the forum. You guys can post any joke not too far below the belt, we had to delete two posts since there are quite a few youngsters reading the forum.

    Put it this way, it should be relatively easy explaining the joke to your 10 year old.

    Keep them coming.

  5. #5
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    Oct 2006
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    CPT
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    Default

    My bad, sorry guys
    Daryl Human

    The solution to any problem -- work, love, money, whatever -- is to go fishing, and the worse the problem, the longer the trip should be. --John Gierach

  6. #6
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    Sep 2006
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    Dullstroom, Mpumalanga
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    Default

    oohlala....naughty naughty okes!

  7. #7
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    Sep 2006
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    Waikato
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fish View Post
    Put it this way, it should be relatively easy explaining the joke to your 10 year old.
    Well, that's pretty much dried me up.

  8. #8
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    Sep 2006
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    Waikato
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    Default OK, hopefully this one is OK:

    One day, a man came home friday after work and was greeted by his wife dressed in very sexy lingerie, holding some silk scarves.

    "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."...

    He takes the silk scarves from his wife, ties her up and ....






    goes fishing all weekend..

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Waikato
    Posts
    1,377

    Default Pet Fish

    A man was recently stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota.

    The fellow, carrying two buckets of fish, was leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish? If you don't, I'm going to have to impound them as evidence."

    The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

    "Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

    "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."

    "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

    The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

    "O.K. I've GOT to see this!." The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.

    After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

    "Well, What?" the man responded.

    "When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.

    "Call who back?" The man asked.

    "The FISH."

    "What fish?" The man asked . . .

  10. #10
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    Sep 2006
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    Waikato
    Posts
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    Default Bear Remover

    A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

    He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

    The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

    "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

    "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, Then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

    He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

    "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

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